So funny it couldn't be legal

I know this has been done before, but I just can't help myself. So with apologies to anyone I might be plagiarizing from, and with all humility before the bearded one himself:

-Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

-If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

-The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

-Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

-Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

-When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

-Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

-The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.

-What was going through the minds of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.

-Chuck Norris once showed up at Google and demanded that they rename their search engine "Chuck Norris." When they refused, Chuck roundhouse kicked Google in the face, transforming it's bruised remains into Google Dark.

-Chuck Norris affects the price of stock quotes and land values. Wherever he is, prices drop due to the danger of a sudden catastrophe. He bought his own home for 30 cents and one roundhouse kick.

-If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

-The following is a short list of things Chuck Norris cannot do: ....

-If you make a list of 10 things Chuck Norris cannot do, he will appear at your house and perform them all. Your life may be forfeit.

-Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

-When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

-Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.

-Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.

-Chuck Norris Isn't funny, stop laughing.

-Chuck Norris has an unbeatable poker face, concealed beneath an even more unbeatable poker beard.

-While a normal poker face conceals the emotion of its wearer, Chuck Norris’s poker face skips all that and just drives other players insane. As a result, the only way to survive a game of poker against Chuck Norris is to play online, and even then you still might go insane.


-When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

-Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

-Q: What’s 30 times Chuck Norris?
A: Oblivion.

-Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

-In conversation, Chuck Norris often quotes himself, and then laughs about it.

-Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

-February 29th only occurs once every four years because Chuck Norris wills it to be so.

-There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

-Chuck Norris really likes the movie 101 Dalmatians. No one knows why.

-In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

-There’s an old Chuck Norris saying: “He who has the Chuck Norris makes the rules.” It’s one of those nonsensical old sayings, since it implies that someone can “have” Chuck Norris.

-When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

-Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

-A man stopped Chuck Norris on the street and asked him to list 100 Chuck Norris facts. Unamused, Chuck Norris raised one eyebrow with such force that the man disintegrated.

-Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

-Chuck Norris once picked a fight with a duck. The duck turned out to have several 10th degree blackbelts, and was the most formidable adversary Chuck Norris ever faced. Funny how random the universe can be.

-When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

-There are no steroids in baseball, just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.

-If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.

Have a very happy New Year! You guys rock.

-Jeff-

Flood Recovery part 3: An Update

Well, we're still sleeping in our living room, but other than that things are going great! I wanted to write a quick update for everyone who's been following the blog, to let you know how things are going down here.

1. Construction: My Uncle and Grandpa came down here on Sunday and hung about 70% of the sheetrock, which means the rooms are close to being liveable again. We've been having a harder time getting the siding dried out, but I'm confidant that it will be okay by Saturday, when they are going to come finish things up.
2. More Blessings: I neglected to mention our windows when I was writing Neighbors helping Neighbors the other day that our bedroom windows need to be replaced. We were set to do the work and then things happened (you know how that goes) and it was never finished. Because of this one of the windows was only hanging by one nail, and was easily pulled to give John access to the house, so they could get all of our clothes and stuff out. What was once a source of frustration for us has become a point of blessing.
3. Stuff Stuff: A lot of our "stuff" was ruined by the flood. We filled two trailers full of it. Things like tents and lawn chairs were completely yucked up by the mud, and our weed wacker was ruined when water got in the engine. So a lot of that "Stuff" is gone, but the great thing is that it's all just stuff, and it can all be replaced.
4. The kids: They've each had interesting an different reactions to our living situation. Olivia (our 3 year old) has become very clingy. She always wants to be sitting on our laps, or be held, or even help out with chores. She just wants to be near us constantly, she has a hard time staying in her room or playing with her brother. Kadin (our over-analytic 5 year old) thought of something that neither of us had thought of. If we don't have a Christmas tree (due to space), how will Santa know where to leave the presents? Lucky for us, my parents know Santa personally and he's agreed to drop the presents off at their house this year, just to avoid any confusion. Living in such a small space with them can be overwhelming, so on Tuesday tiff's parents came down and picked them up, and they'll be up there until after Christmas.
   

Well, that's the quick update, I'll post more changes as they happen,

-Jeff-

Flood Recovery part 2: Pics from the flood

Here are some pictures of the flood damage so everyone can take a look at them. Some friends of mine have a video that I'm trying to get ahold of so I can post that here as well, it's supposed to show the flood waters rising up to our house. In all there was about 6-8" of water in the family room and master bed room. If the water had gone up 2" more, it would have flooded our whole house. God is truly in control. Onto the pics:


The front and back doors to our house, after the sandbags were taken down.



(L)There was mud everywhere inside our bedroom, and (R) you can see the
Christmas presents that were hidden under our bed.



(L) Our Family Room was also covered with mud, and the tile at the base of the wood stove is starting to crack. (R) It's hard to see from the picture, but there is a crack on the left side because the ground under the slab was washed away and the slab broke and settled down there.



Both of these are pics of the Family room once we got the carpet out and the sheetrock cut away. We found some weird stuff in the walls, including a pop can (full of something) and a broomstick.



This is some of the fun mold that was growing in our bedroom. So we cut it out, replaced it with some wood from our shed and walked in there today to see more mold growing.

So there you have it, I'll post some pics of the work as it's being done and eventually the finished product.

-Jeff-